No More Excuses!

It took my until college for me to fully realize it. But I'm a pretty damn cooly cool person. Not to mention I'm adorable. -gets bricked-

But seriously, my freshman year of college is over and it has been a quite good one at that. I'm grateful for all the friends I've made and all the relationships I've formed. I'm also grateful that I continued to learn more about myself and how to better myself as a person. 

I've grown to actually really love myself during college. It didn't take a miracle or something of the like to happen in order for me to realize it, because it was entirely gradual. I came in to college thinking I was comfortable with who I was and thinking I was fabulous, but it wasn't until the end until I truly realized how much I had grown as a person. As cheesy as it sounds, it's TRUE. In the beginning of the year I wouldn't have DARED to even attempt to wear the outfits you see in the posts preceding this one. But now I realize that THAT was what I've always wanted to dress like but never had the resources or the confidence too. :/ Now that I've finally gained it it feels fucking great. 

I even realized that the better I took care of myself, the better I felt about myself. I NEVER BELIEVED THAT CRAP WAS TRUE UNTIL I LIVED IT WITHOUT REALIZING IT. derp.

Now that school is over I have no more excuses. No more "reasons" as to why I can't take a couple minutes out of my day to keep myself healthy. I realized that it's time to start taking care of myself and in order to do that I have started working out again! 

I used to work out during high school, but then stopped entirely when I had a sudden er..."attack" of heart palpitations  Then I became too scared to overwork myself in fear of bringing them on again. Silly me, isn't working your heart out supposed to PREVENT that from happening again? So now I will attempt again and try to stick to my plan. Hopefully me announcing it on the internets will motivate me to actually stick to it. It'd be a real pain to quit and then go back to this post to see that I've stopped. Cue the cringing and the self hate.

But this ISN'T a "weight loss journey". No, because I have grown to love my shape at 5'4" and 185 lbs. 8D It's just that I'm particularly disappointed and upset with myself that I allowed myself to gain a bit of weight over freshman year :/ The fact that I ignored it and made excuses for what I did to gain that weight bothers me. I don't think it's very healthy to gain 5-7 lbs during the school year and now I plan to undo that and make myself even healthier than when I first arrived to my dorm room.

Let it be known that I don't EVER EVER want to be a size 0. It is not my intention to lose 50 or 75 lbs because I think it'll make me prettier. That isn't the case at all. In fact, at the moment I am a size 12 and I have been for a while. It's funny because that's like the borderline size to be the smallest plus size or the largest "normal" size. XD It's all very confusing depending on which store I go to. I just want to be back to where I was starting high school, because I was at about the same height and yet I hated my body so much. I just want to go back to that point and just reprimand myself for even thinking such thoughts. I'm beautiful at 185 and I know I will be at 160. =]

BUT ANYWAY. My point is that I'm not one of those people that are trying to lose 50 lbs because they think they need to in order to look prettier or because it's necessary or else they're probably going to die of a heart attack within the following year. I'm just a college student who fell prey to the renowned "Freshman 15" and wants to turn back to the clock to when she first started high school at around 160lbs. XD I call myself a hypochondriac because I take various vitamins and try to eat better than most (I only drink water and milk, so go me?), and yet most of the time I can't be arsed to hope on a treadmill for my health. How stereotypically American of me. But now that will all change this summer over the the next three months! Wish me luck. :]